hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize