I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He felt like a one man threesome
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize