Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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