i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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