Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
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I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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