You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
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You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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