I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
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