Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
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So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
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By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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