You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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