Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
