Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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