Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
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Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
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I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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