He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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