We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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