I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize