I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Don't make out with my wife yet
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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