I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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