His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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