RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
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I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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