the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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