if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
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