He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
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The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
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I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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