Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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