i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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