uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
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He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
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I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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