He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
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He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
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When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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