I CAN MOONWALK!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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