I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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