Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize