omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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