the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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