perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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