for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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