She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
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walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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