even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
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When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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