1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize