dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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