i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
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Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
that may or may not have been my penis.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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