Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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