Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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