Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
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Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
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He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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