I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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