mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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