My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
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These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
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I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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