The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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