Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I am available for nakedness
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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