Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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