She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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