You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
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I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
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I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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