Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize